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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

What is random about chuck?

laugh or get your ass kicked son.
Chuck Norris Jokes:

01
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
10
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.


Chuck the sitcom:



Our favorite secret agent is back in the one-hour action-comedy series. Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi, "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel") returns as a regular guy who also happens to be the government's most vital secret agent.

Now that those closest to Chuck know his secret, he must try harder than ever to keep his spy life from interfering with his personal life. But this has never been more difficult - his relationship with superspy Sarah Walker is getting serious, and he's about to take on his most personal mission yet: finding his mother.

This season, Chuck's assignments take him far from Burbank, with each mission bringing him closer to uncovering what happened to his mom, Mary Elizabeth Bartowski (guest star Linda Hamilton, "The Terminator," "Terminator 2: Judgment Day").

The ever stoic Colonel John Casey (Adam Baldwin, "My Bodyguard," "Serenity") returns with partner Sarah Walker (Yvonne Strahovski, the upcoming "The Killer Elite"), one of the CIA's top agents and Chuck's new girlfriend.

Also starring are Joshua Gomez ("Without a Trace") as Morgan Grimes, Chuck's best buddy; Sarah Lancaster ("What About Brian?") as Chuck's ever-supportive sister Ellie; Ryan McPartlin ("Living with Fran") as Devon Woodcomb (also known as Captain Awesome), Ellie's husband. Chuck's Buy More team consists of Big Mike (Mark Christopher Lawrence, "The Pursuit of Happyness") and the Nerd Herd, which includes Lester (Vik Sahay, "Time Bomb") and Jeff (Scott Krinsky, "The O.C.").

"Chuck" is co-created by Josh Schwartz ("The O.C.," "Gossip Girl") and Chris Fedak, and is executive produced by Schwartz, McG ("Charlie's Angels," "Terminator Salvation"), Fedak, Robert Duncan McNeill, and Nicholas Wootton. "Chuck" is produced by Fake Empire, and Wonderland Sound and Vision, in association with Warner Bros. Television.

What is ground CHUCK:
First, you have regular ground which commonly comes from the plate (underbelly) and breast of the cow. This is not the choicest of meats and tends to be very fatty, grisly and, in lesser grades, can contain some bone chips. Regular ground beef is the least purchased ground simply because Americans are becoming more health conscience and don't mind paying an extra 50 cents per pound for better quality. This area on the cow is also where corned beef and brisket come from. Usually, when your butcher or their packager is processing regular ground beef, they will add in fat found from other parts of the cow. This gives the percentage of fat figure that is seen on your ground beef packaging (e.g. 75-80% lean means that 20-25% of the package is really fat, also known as suet).

Secondly, you can purchase ground chuck. This is the most popular ground on the market. Ground chuck comes from the shoulder and neck area of the cow and is usually very fatty but also has an immense amount of flavoring. This is why such cuts of meat as a chuck roast are favored for a hearty winter meal. Served with potatoes and gravy, this cut can be especially delicious but has a downside of too many fat calories. Sometimes, when processing ground chuck, the butcher will blend a better grade of fat (if necessary) in with the meat. This fat comes from other "chuck type" cuts of meat such as rib-eye steaks. Ground chuck is great for a juicy burgers and mouth watering meatloaf.

Your third choice is ground round. The "round" area is actually the rear or rump of the cow. This is the area where a rump roast, round steaks and round roasts come from. This meat is high in flavor, very lean and also a tad bit chewy. Perfect for a slow cooked pot roast that won't accelerate your fat intake. Ground round is an ideal choice for tacos, lean meatloaf and sloppy joes. It also works well with most Hamburger Helpers since it requires little draining due to the lack of fat content.

Lastly, ground sirloin is approaching almost a cult-type status among the very health conscience who don't want to sacrifice on taste. Generally, a good sirloin cut of meat will have a marbling texture of fat throughout the meat that is completely different from the chunks found in a chuck. This gives an almost angelic blend of fat and flavor for burgers that will truly out of this world.




How much wood could a woodCHUCK, CHUCK:



Dear Cecil:
This question has gnawed at me since I was a young boy. It is a question posed every day by countless thousands around the globe and yet I have never heard even one remotely legitimate answer. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Cecil replies:
Are you kidding? Everybody knows a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Next you'll be wanting to know why she sells seashells by the seashore.

Like I didn't see this one coming

Dear Cecil:
Now that you mention it, why does she sell seashells by the seashore?
Cecil replies:
Because if, by way of alternative, she simply did seashell shucking whilst she sat, we'd all be in big trouble.

Poetry ain't good enough for him

Dear Cecil:
With regard to how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, etc., I am happy to say that science marches on, and the quaint but oh-so-unscientific answer you gave has been replaced with a modern one. See the enclosed article in the Wall Street Journal.
Cecil replies:
The article reports on the work of New York state wildlife expert Richard Thomas, who found that a woodchuck could (and does) chuck around 35 cubic feet of dirt in the course of digging a burrow. Thomas reasoned that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would chuck an amount equivalent to the weight of the dirt, or 700 pounds. We are pleased to know this, of course. But it sure isn't easy to fit into a snappy verse.

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